( This ... feels bad. It feels bad because it's forcing Nico to acknowledge what the real problem is here: back home she brushed off meaningless hookup after meaningless hookup because she's actually pretty terrified of being the one who's discarded. Nico owns who she is but she's acutely aware of what she isn't: she isn't soft and sweet like Kyrie, she has a ridiculous job, she lives most of her life in a van full of demon-parts, and she's long since come to terms with the fact that she isn't exactly anyone sane's idea of a long-term investment.
Or so she thinks. Either way, it's for precisely this reason that she's always tried to avoid sleeping with people who matter, because the idea of being rejected by a stranger hurts far less than being rejected by a loved on.
Ugh. Daddy issues and a dead family can really do a number on a person, huh. )
But for the record, I didn't feel bad about what happened I still don't, it was good and I liked it I felt bad about maybe having freaked you out and made you not want to hang out with me any more
And then again for making some assumptions that were pretty insensitive
So
If you had different expectations, then I wanna hear them too
It isn’t insensitivity when I had given you no reason to think otherwise.
[Cold, distant, wordless. He is aware of his own personality — often he leans into it, uses it to his advantage. Other times, he knows all too well its detriments, aware that it is one reason of many he cannot foster easy connections with others.
This would be easier if he knew what he wanted, if he could label it, if it weren’t such a nebulous thing having existed in him for so long, he often forgets it’s there.]
This is difficult for me. So much of Aefenglom has changed how I feel about myself, my home, the others around me. My friendship with you is one of them. The sex doesn’t change that, but it does [type, delete, type] amplify it.
What existed before was fine. But beyond helping you at the store, or accompanying you on missions, would you like to do something else, someday?
( Now it's Nico's turn to give a few long minutes of typing, deleting. Typing, deleting. )
I get it It's kinda difficult for me too, I guess Not cause I'm figuring out how to do it all for the first time, like you I've just always really sucked at talking about this stuff
( It's so much easier to act like there are no consequences and just move on, but then wasn't the whole point of doing this because she believes Sephiroth deserves better than that? )
Anyway Don't think I'm trying to make excuses, cause I'm not
I'd like to do something else with you someday I'd really like that You
( T y p i n g. D e l e t i n g. )
You're important to me And not just cause you help me out or make a really great bodyguard Or cause the dick was good
( ... Too soon? )
I dunno if it's the same for you but You're a really good friend, Sephiroth
[Maybe they're too similar in that sense; not knowing what to say or when to say it. Easier to just move on, even if Sephiroth takes the detached and distant route in order to achieve much the same. And though her text is filled with things no one has ever said to him before, there's a strange comfort in knowing that there's sameness in the sentiment -- even in the difficulty of expressing it.]
It's the same for me.
[Friends, ones that grew close, were so rare for him. On Gaia, these friendships ended abruptly, or tragically, either as a consequence of Shinra's machinations or by his own madness-driven hand.]
But I don't want you to feel like you need to always find the right thing to say. If we both suffer from that particular deficiency, then the solution is simple: I speak honestly, and you do the same. It should never be more complicated than that.
[Let them commiserate together in being terrible at this, and simply accept it.]
Let's find something for us to do, then. The city's large and always looking for ways to distract itself.
Alright, I like that You be honest with me, I'll be honest with you Who knew it might be that easy, huh?
( 8') )
Yeah, you're not wrong there
Although speaking of, there's a winter holiday we celebrate back home that I'm gonna need some decorations and stuff for We could make an afternoon of it if you want? I'm gonna need to do some research See what's available, see what I can make ...
I'm open to other ideas though What's something you might enjoy?
Oh, sure Forget being a SOLDIER, we'll make an interior designer of you in no time
Anyway, an extra pair of hands would be nice I can show you how to make a couple things when we get back, put on some hot spiced wine, do dinner ... It'll be cosy!
And this'll shock you, but I think I'll pass on the training I wouldn't wanna embarrass you by wiping the floor with you again, yknow?
Well, I’ll need a new career after Shinra, after all.
[Interior design... probably isn’t it, though.]
I thought you would be kind enough to let me improve in a sparring session, but that must be asking for too much. I’ll settle for decorations, spiced wine, and dinner.
What kind of decorations can I expect for this winter holiday?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
( This ... feels bad. It feels bad because it's forcing Nico to acknowledge what the real problem is here: back home she brushed off meaningless hookup after meaningless hookup because she's actually pretty terrified of being the one who's discarded. Nico owns who she is but she's acutely aware of what she isn't: she isn't soft and sweet like Kyrie, she has a ridiculous job, she lives most of her life in a van full of demon-parts, and she's long since come to terms with the fact that she isn't exactly anyone sane's idea of a long-term investment.
Or so she thinks. Either way, it's for precisely this reason that she's always tried to avoid sleeping with people who matter, because the idea of being rejected by a stranger hurts far less than being rejected by a loved on.
Ugh. Daddy issues and a dead family can really do a number on a person, huh. )
But for the record, I didn't feel bad about what happened
I still don't, it was good and I liked it
I felt bad about maybe having freaked you out and made you not want to hang out with me any more
And then again for making some assumptions that were pretty insensitive
So
If you had different expectations, then I wanna hear them too
no subject
It isn’t insensitivity when I had given you no reason to think otherwise.
[Cold, distant, wordless. He is aware of his own personality — often he leans into it, uses it to his advantage. Other times, he knows all too well its detriments, aware that it is one reason of many he cannot foster easy connections with others.
This would be easier if he knew what he wanted, if he could label it, if it weren’t such a nebulous thing having existed in him for so long, he often forgets it’s there.]
This is difficult for me. So much of Aefenglom has changed how I feel about myself, my home, the others around me. My friendship with you is one of them. The sex doesn’t change that, but it does [type, delete, type] amplify it.
What existed before was fine. But beyond helping you at the store, or accompanying you on missions, would you like to do something else, someday?
no subject
( Now it's Nico's turn to give a few long minutes of typing, deleting. Typing, deleting. )
I get it
It's kinda difficult for me too, I guess
Not cause I'm figuring out how to do it all for the first time, like you
I've just always really sucked at talking about this stuff
( It's so much easier to act like there are no consequences and just move on, but then wasn't the whole point of doing this because she believes Sephiroth deserves better than that? )
Anyway
Don't think I'm trying to make excuses, cause I'm not
I'd like to do something else with you someday
I'd really like that
You
( T y p i n g. D e l e t i n g. )
You're important to me
And not just cause you help me out or make a really great bodyguard
Or cause the dick was good
( ... Too soon? )
I dunno if it's the same for you but
You're a really good friend, Sephiroth
no subject
It's the same for me.
[Friends, ones that grew close, were so rare for him. On Gaia, these friendships ended abruptly, or tragically, either as a consequence of Shinra's machinations or by his own madness-driven hand.]
But I don't want you to feel like you need to always find the right thing to say. If we both suffer from that particular deficiency, then the solution is simple: I speak honestly, and you do the same. It should never be more complicated than that.
[Let them commiserate together in being terrible at this, and simply accept it.]
Let's find something for us to do, then. The city's large and always looking for ways to distract itself.
no subject
You be honest with me, I'll be honest with you
Who knew it might be that easy, huh?
( 8') )
Yeah, you're not wrong there
Although speaking of, there's a winter holiday we celebrate back home that I'm gonna need some decorations and stuff for
We could make an afternoon of it if you want?
I'm gonna need to do some research
See what's available, see what I can make ...
I'm open to other ideas though
What's something you might enjoy?
no subject
You must be continually impressed by my decorating abilities.
[A sliver of something wry. He refers to, of course, the stints in which he helped decorate her shop more than once.]
Yes, I’ll help you decorate, or help you create something, unless you think an extra pair of hands only gets in the way.
My enjoyment comes from training. Unless you want to lift a sword against mine, don’t be concerned with my preferences. Yours will do just fine.
no subject
Oh, sure
Forget being a SOLDIER, we'll make an interior designer of you in no time
Anyway, an extra pair of hands would be nice
I can show you how to make a couple things when we get back, put on some hot spiced wine, do dinner ...
It'll be cosy!
And this'll shock you, but I think I'll pass on the training
I wouldn't wanna embarrass you by wiping the floor with you again, yknow?
no subject
[Interior design... probably isn’t it, though.]
I thought you would be kind enough to let me improve in a sparring session, but that must be asking for too much. I’ll settle for decorations, spiced wine, and dinner.
What kind of decorations can I expect for this winter holiday?